Sad Times.
Sunday I missed church because I was so tired as I had been out the night before and was late home. I hate missing church as ever since Con died I try never to miss unless it’s a show. Since it wasn’t a show I was annoyed with myself. It shouldn’t matter but it lays heavy on my mind. I had a feeling I was in for a tough week.
To be honest I think this year has been very testing and I hope I get out of it alive.
Yesterday one of my friends rang me with some bad news. I was quite content and thought there was nothing he could say that would change that until he said that Benny’s son has been killed in a horse riding accident.
I knew it was for real as Paul was crying, and Paul is a tougher man as I’ve ever met.
Benny used to supply me with horses a few years ago and to say we were very close would be an understatement. I was so shocked and could instantly feel Benny’s pain.
Having experienced severe loss, I can say you don’t get over it. I was utterly depressed all day. I thank God that a good friend asked me for dinner last night which took my mind off what had happened for a while.
When things like this happen, my own feelings of severe loss come to the front of my mind. Feelings that I was sure I had under control. I have been fortunate in that I have God. He helps me make sense of it all. I’m not sure if it’s the same for Benny, but somehow I’m feeling positive for him.
It made me think about my youngsters, and how chancy I am with them. I never wear a hat as I can’t bear them. I never wear a seat belt as I can’t bear them either.
So today I decided that I’m going to wear a hat. I hated it but I thought if there is anything positive that can come from this then it’s that. Simple.
The youngsters went well so I’m happy. In fact things are OK right now. I have had a lot of expense this week with breakages, about £500 worth, but it’s OK as business is good.
On a lighter note I played tennis with a male client of mine and it was really good fun to be with someone different. And how funny I met my sister at the tennis club. Now that’s random. I didn’t know what to say, which is weird as I’m usually so talkative.
Anyway this week will end soon and I hope things are good from now until Xmas.
Talk soon.